Thursday, September 24, 2009

Save it for your mama...

It's the end of my lunch break, so I will have to finish this later, but I just want to start by saying "I'M SO HAPPY TO BE TYPING ON A REAL KEYBOARD!!" Okay, so I've been doing lots of thinking. Unfortunately, it's really brought me no real conclusions... I think this may be my "quarter-life crisis"...and I don't really know what that means, LOL! So I decided to look it up on Wikipedia and this is what I found (my fellow closely):

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:
feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
frustration with the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
confusion of identity
insecurity regarding the near future
insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy
disappointment with one's job
nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
tendency to hold stronger opinions
boredom with social interactions
loss of closeness to high school and college friends
financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
loneliness, depression and suicide
desire to have children
a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you
frustration with societal ills

So I would say that I agreed with about 92% of those...hmm. In this same article, there's a book mentioned, that I may now have to read before I read the Twilight series again, or finish Harry Potter: Damian Barr's Get It Together: A Guide to Surviving Your Quarterlife Crisis. Now I'm sure some of you post-quarter-lifers, are rolling your eyes, or maybe not, I really don't know, but I'm sure this may be true for alot of people, no matter their age. But IT'S JUST NOT OKAY with me! So there are some lines that I'm going to quote here from the article and comment on:

Nobody wants to admit to feeling like a 'loser'; this secrecy may intensify the problem.- Yeah, It's never really bothered me to admit to feeling like a loser, but for some reason, it does now....

One does not automatically make progress.- I think this is one that bothers me, I LOVED being a student. In fact, I told someone the other day that if I could be a MATH student FOREVER, I WOULD BE HAPPY! You make progress, here, there's no real definitive progress. Sure there's growth, but not like I'm one step closert to a goal, unless you include retirement, which I'M NOWHERE NEAR!

The era when a professional career meant a life of occupational security – thus allowing an individual to proceed to establish an "inner life" – is coming to an end- NO ONE GAVE ME THAT MEMO IN COLLEGE!!! Did you get that memo?

The few graduates that do land decent jobs after graduation usually have to work 15–20 hours per week at a job during college and, because of this, they may end up missing social events that university life has to offer without implementing adequate time management. These students frequently desire romantic relationships but simply do not have the time in college to gain or sustain them. Thus, they may end up with a job after college but long for a romantic partner and feel as unfulfilled as the graduates who have a partner and no job- AMEN! THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY! Luckily I was able to quit my job my last two semesters of college then...I was me and I also was overbooked with homework and events.
.....(end of Wikipedia article quotes)....

So I guess my question is, what now? I mean how do I go back and make up for those 25-30 hours I worked a week during college. How do I "establish an "inner life"? How can I find ways to satisfy my inner-student and lover of learning? Honestly, I really don't feel like a loser. I have amazing friends, and although I see them sporadically, the amount of laughter and fun that we share somewhat makes up for the time in between. I just feel "____________" there's no word to put there, I don't want to say "lost" or "confused" but it's something that feel likes that. It's such an odd emotion that I don't even know what it's called! So I guess until I figure out "my place in this world" (which I really hate saying cause it just sounds CHEESY) I guess I will continue on my path to help make the future generations better, brighter and more creative, innovative and whatever else is needed to continue a prospering planet! I do know THAT much! That helping,
teaching, counseling and laughing with the younger generations is MY MISSION ON THE PLANET! (haha, I feel uber-cheesy right now...) And I LOVE TEACHING, I'm just not sure it's THE WAY that I want to carry out my mission.......I also want to add that this isn't meant to be a pity party or a whine and cheese feast, just thoughts. :)

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